Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Messy Room

As you walk down the hall, your foot steps echoing loudly and your heart beating as though playing together in an orchestra. You reach the closed door and take one last, long breath before opening it and dooming your life forever. Your hands begin to sweat and shake as you reach for the round, golden handle. You look around to make sure that no one is going to jump up on you and pull your hand and stop you from opening the door. No one is there, you sigh and twist the handle. The creaky door opens slowly and you take a peak inside. A scream from some sort of scary movie rings in your ears, 'Haaaaa!'. Ohh, the terror. Old socks that have lost their matching pairs forever are lying around everywhere. You can almost taste the egg and cheese sandwich that you had last week when you take a look at it from the corner of your eye. Half opened candy rappers under your bed, and next to it, a trail of marching ants as though soldiers looking for a fight. You take a step inside and look over at the pile of clothes on your T.V. that's been getting taller and taller since last month. You're about to sit on your computer chair when you notice coke spilled all over it, and when you try to stand up, you almost step on a small spider web. On it, two little spiders working fast trying to make a living. You move around and stand up, grab your vacuum cleaner and your protective goggles and start cleaning your messy room.

2 comments:

Scott said...

I really liked the pace of this piece of writing. Even though you describe all the actions in "steps" they all manage to flow together. However, my favorite part was how you added humor, "Oh the horror. Mismatched socks!" The only thing I thought the could've been better are the mechanics. For instance, "As you walk down the hall your footsteps echoing loudly and your heart beating as though playing in an orchestra." doesnt manke alot of sense to me. But overall its great, extremely descriptive piece of writing.

Petr said...

You give the reader a very clear picture of how you feel and how the room looks like. You have good, consistent use of similes and metaphors, maybe even a little bit too much :P There are only a few slight wording errors, but overall, a well written, enjoyable piece.